Canterbury Remix - The Wife of Bath

There was once a man who was full of lust.
He was a scum bag with a heart of dust.
Because he was rich he did as he pleased.
His attitude led to many bad deeds.
He raped a woman and then went to court.
To say the least his trial was quite short.
The judge was about to send him to jail,
When he was saved by an anxious female.
She was an influential feminist,
And she was angered by this chauvinist.
To raise the man’s ethical awareness,
She needed to act without violence.
He was at the feminist’s disposal,
And she kindly offered this proposal:
“You must now go and find the truth for me,
About what women most desire to see.”
I hope this criminal will not chance her
By providing her with the wrong answer.
He set out searching high and low to find
A truthful woman who would speak her mind.
And though he set out searching far and wide,
All the honest women would only hide.
Anyone who would speak to him
Only made his future appear more grim.
They said fine gifts or pampering one’s wife,
Was the answer that could help end his strife.
The dejected man knew this would not work,
But away from her he chose not to lurk.
On his way back to face his penalty,
He ran into a hag who was ugly.
After he begged the woman to save him,
She said she could if she could enslave him.
The desperate man agreed to this request,
So the two went to try to pass the test.
The feminist was quite delighted when
The man’s answer deserved ten out of ten.
There was no way this man she could accuse
After he showed such a change in values.
By saying women want to have control,
He dug himself out of a giant hole.
He should have fluttered high up to Cloud Nine,
But there was no way he could feel less fine.
The fat, old, poor, hag just reminded him
Of his previous promise binding them.
Now the man would have to marry the hag,
Which the man saw as the ultimate drag.
When his wife asked him, “What is wrong with you?”
He replied simply, “My problem is you.”
“It should not matter to you that I’m poor,
Because at least I’m not a skanky whore.
I can be ugly and always faithful,
Or beautiful and always untruthful.
I offer you this perplex choice to make,
I hope the decision is no headache.”
“I believe your offer I will refuse.
I now realize that only you can choose.”
“Since you have given the power to me,
I will be faithful and really pretty.”